Bloody Hell

A teacher was working with a group of children, trying to broaden their horizons through sensory exploration.

With their eyes closed, they would feel objects from pumice stones to pine cones and smell aromatic herbs and exotic fruits.

Then one day, the teacher brought in a great variety of lifesavers.

"Children, I'd like you to close your eyes and taste these," announced the teacher.

A woman and a man are involved in a car accident; it's a bad one. Both of their cars are totally demolished but amazingly neither of them are hurt. After they crawl out of their cars, the woman says, "So you're a man, that's interesting. I'm a woman. Wow, just look at our cars! There's nothing left, but fortunately we are unhurt. This must be a sign from God that we should meet and be friends and live together in peace for the rest of our days." The man replied, "I agree with you completely. This must be a sign from God!" The woman continued, "And look at this, here's another miracle.

The Champaign Il. Police Department, famous for its superior K-9 unit, was somewhat taken back by this recent incident. Returning home from work, a blonde was shocked to find her house ransacked and burglarized. She telephoned the police at once and reported the crime.

The police dispatcher broadcast the call on the channels and a K-9 unit patrolling nearby was the first to respond.

An extraordinarily handsome man decided he had the God-given responsibility to marry the perfect woman so they could produce children beyond comparison.

With that as his mission, he began searching for the perfect woman. After a diligent but fruitless search on the east coast, he started to head west. Shortly thereafter, he met a farmer who had 3 stunning and absolutely gorgeous daughters - who positively took his breath away.

A mother had three daughters and on their wedding day, she would ask each of them to write home and tell her about their married life. The first wrote back on the second day after she got married. The letter arrived with only a single message, "Maxwell Coffeehouse." The Mother was confused at first, but finally noticed a Maxwell coffee ad on a newspaper, and it said; "Satisfaction, to the last drop..." So, the Mother was happy.

Nifty factoids
- A rat can last longer without water than a camel.
- Your stomach has to produce a new layer of mucus every two weeks or it will digest itself. YUCK
- The dot over the letter "i" is called a tittle.
- A duck's quack doesn't echo. No one knows why.
- A 2 X 4 is really 1-1/2 by 3-1/2.
- During the chariot scene in "Ben Hur", a small red car can be seen in the distance.
- On average, 12 newborns will be given to the wrong parents daily!
- Donald Duck comics were banned from Finland because he doesn't wear pants.

Even an Englishman could not concoct sentences using numeric, which is exclusive only to Malaysians, Singaporeans, Philippines and Chinese.

Lim Ah Lek was asked to make a sentence using 1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9 and 10.

Not only did he do it 1 to 10, he did it again from 10 back to 1.

This is what he came up with......

One fine, sunny morning, a priest took a walk in the local forest. He was walking by a small stream when, sitting on a nearby toadstool, he noticed a sad, sad looking frog. "what's wrong with you ?" said the priest.

"Well,"said the frog, "the reason I am so sad on this fine day is because I wasn't always a frog.

"Really!" said the priest. "can you explain?"

HOW TO BATHE A CAT!

1. Thoroughly clean the toilet.

2. Add the required amount of shampoo to the toilet water, and have both lids lifted.

3. Obtain the cat and soothe him while you carry him towards the bathroom.

4. In one smooth movement, put the cat in the toilet and close both lids (you may need to stand on the lid so that he cannot escape).

President Bill Clinton called Prime Minister Jean Chretien with a pressing emergency;

"Our largest condom factory has exploded!" the president cried, "My peoples favorite method of birth control! This is a true disaster!"

"Bill, the Canajian pipple would be 'appy to do anyt'ing wit'in der power to 'elp you" replied the Prime Minister.

"I do need your help," said Clinton. "Could you possibly send us 1,000,000 condoms ASAP to tide us over?"

"Certainement! I will get on hit right haway." said Jean.

"Oh, and one small favor please?" asked President Clinton.

"Oui?"