Up all night and sleep all day!
Prostitutes Offer Free Climate Summit Sex
Copenhagen Mayor Ritt Bjerregaard sent postcards to city hotels warning summit guests not to patronize Danish sex workers during the upcoming conference. Now, the prostitutes have struck back, offering free sex to anyone who produces one of the warnings.
Copenhagen's city council in conjunction with Lord Mayor Ritt Bjerregaard sent postcards out to 160 Copenhagen hotels urging COP15 guests and delegates to 'Be sustainable - don't buy sex'.
"Dear hotel owner, we would like to urge you not to arrange contacts between hotel guests and prostitutes," the approach to hotels says.
Actual article from the LA Times.
Actual article from the LA Times.
In retrospect, lighting the match was my big mistake. But I was only trying to retrieve the gerbil," Eric Tomaszewski told bemused doctors in the Severe Burns Unit of Salt Lake City Hospital.
Bill Gates vs GM
At a computer expo many years ago(COMDEX), Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated, "If GM had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving twenty-five dollar cars that got 1,000 mi/gal."
-Recently GM addressed this comment by releasing the statement, "Yes, but would you want your car to crash twice a day?"
-Every time they repainted the lines on the road, you would have to buy a new car.
-Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no reason, and you
Confusius Says
Man who run in front of car, get tired.
Man who run behind car, get exhausted.
Man who drive like hell, bound to get there.
Passionate kiss like spider's web, soon lead to undoing of fly.
Foolish man give wife grand piano. Wise man give wife upright organ.
Man who walk through airport turnstile sideways going to Bangkok.
Man who scratches ass should not bite fingernails.
Panties not best thing on earth, but next to it.
War doesn't determine who's right. War determines who's left.
Wife who put husband in doghouse soon find him in cat house.
..... Deep Thoughts .....
FOR THOSE WHO TAKE LIFE TOO SERIOUSLY
1. Save the whales. Collect the whole set.
2. A day without sunshine is like, night.
5. 42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.
6. 99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
7. I feel like I'm diagonally parked in a parallel universe.
8. You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted and then used against you.
9. I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be without sponges.
10. Honk if you love peace and quiet.
11. Remember that half the people you know are below average.
Medical Students
A professor is giving the first year medical students their first lecture on autopsies, and decides to give them a few basics before starting. "You must be capable of two things to do an autopsy. The first thing is that you must have no sense of fear." At this point, the lecturer sticks his finger into the dead man's anus, and then licks it.
He asks all the students to do the same thing with the corpses in front of them. After a couple of minutes silence, they follow suit.
Costume
There's this man with a bald head and a wooden leg who gets invited to a fancy dress party. He doesn't know what costume to wear to hide his head and his leg so he writes to a fancy dress company to explain the problem.
A few days later he receives a parcel with a note. "Dear Sir, please find enclosed a pirates outfit. The spotted handkerchief will cover your bald head and with your wooden leg you will be just right as a pirate". The man thinks this is terrible because they have just emphasised his wooden leg and so he writes a really rude letter of complaint.
